Humble Truth

I wanted to say sorry and you’re welcome to a special person whom I let down. We connected near the end of our four-year milestone on a quasi-campus Metropolis where a lot of energies could make or break you at the venerable coming-to-adulthood age. While we merely started to get to know each other, your presence was always endearing, vulnerable and genuine. I am sorry that I believed him over you. I’m sorry I didn’t hear you out. I’m sorry I fell for his trap. A ruse heavily disguised with seductive words and at the time actions that I fell for the idea of someone who could unconditionally love and care for me for the rest of my time on Earth. If it’s any consolation, it’s been an unsavory situation. Commiserating with someone addicted to pain and suffering is a drag. Nothing reciprocal in being in the red zone, in fact expressing myself or any shift in thoughts was triggering and never led to happily-ever-after. I hope my choice by-passed enduring pain in your path. I hope, dearest Jen A. that you have experienced a fulfilling life as a result. I now understand that his accusations of you had nothing to do with you rather his projections onto you, his typical defense mechanism. I know because now he’s howling the same insanity with me. It’s the same condemnations, the same stories he has for all the women that were brave enough to approach me with his character. May your thoughts be at ease, may you continue to speak your truth and may your heart expand with love. I’m currently embodying my experience, most times we learn when we fall, how long will I continue to remain down was what I had to ask myself? Pain is temporary, pain is an opportunity. Sit with the lesson I am: what lead me to the point where I was steered to be deceived. It’s uncomfortable that’s for sure, but I will find my way out of this dysfunctional situation. I’m looking forward to it. It won’t be enough, but it’s a start.

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